


Choices

by Teej



Category: Doc Martin (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 07:10:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6364396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teej/pseuds/Teej
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Martin finally makes a choice when he's giving a second chance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> An exploration of possible choices one could make.

****

## 

"One Step Forward..."

****

Louisa had nearly been out of his reach. 

She quite possibly still was, despite the only competition in town now leaving for a dream job in London. Yet at this moment, Martin still had a slim chance. Louisa had stopped him in the street, giving him a mild version of what-for, made him stay where he was, before marching into the pub, buying a bottle of wine and retreating to the relative sanctuary of his kitchen.

As the evening progressed and several glasses of wine had been consumed, Louisa had kept up her subtle attempts of getting him to 'talk'. He warned her what alcohol did to him, just making him drowsy to the point of falling asleep or passing out all together. It also lowered his defenses...

It was then she began to tell him to shush, ironic as that is what he often -rather rudely- told other people. Staring at her across his kitchen table, Martin realized that he had been given the slimmest of chances, she was still here, she hadn't gone with Danny. She was sitting in his kitchen, plying him with wine, telling him repeatedly not to say a word. 

He had to make a choice and the words were tumbling out of him. She was beautiful, so very beautiful, he admitted. The surprise in her eyes at his words caused him to pause with a brief flash of indecision, but then he plunged on, defenses lowered enough that he had to do something before they reassembled and trapped him behind their formidable walls. He told her that every day he longed just to get a glimpse of her.

Emboldened now, seeing she wasn't fleeing from him home in horror at his admission, he made a second choice. 

He told her that he loved her. 

Twice.

As the alcoholic induced drowsiness began its insidious rise to conquer, her lips were caressing his and the last thing he remembered of that night was the kiss across his kitchen table.


	2. Two Steps Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Ellingham can always pinpoint just when he failed to make a right choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What if Doc hadn't of made the choice he made?

****

## 

"Two Steps Back"

****

 

He knew, reflecting back, he had had his chance so many years ago, and he had not found the courage to act upon it.

Sitting in the light of a single lamp in his kitchen, that very same kitchen, he gazed down upon yet another lonely meal. His face, permanently set in a scowl of distaste, could do nothing to hide the pain and loneliness that haunted his eyes. Years had gone by now, yet every time he sat in that kitchen to yet another silent meal eaten alone, Lousia's ghost came back to mock him for missing out on that one opportunity he had had to tell her how he really felt about her.

And he had missed his chance.

She had been long gone now. He didn't even know where. Her presence had never, ever left the streets of Portwenn. How he could even stay in the village was a mystery to everyone, but not to him. He never conquered the phobia. He'd lost the position in London. He had no where else to go. So he stayed in the village and stoically served his penance for being the fool that he was. 

Over and over, year after year, he constantly asked himself why he hadn't acted when he could have. Oh, all the trades and journals and experts could have given a thousand damning, logical, medical, psychiatric reasons for his severe dysfunction. In the long run though he could only blame himself.

And sit there -night after night- eating his meals in silence, knowing things would never change.


End file.
